#6 Odd Couple Syndrome.pt

THE ODD COUPLE SYNDROME Resolving The Neat/sloppy Dilemma
Selwyn Mills Ph.D. is a psychotherapist in private practice in Great Neck N.Y.  His book, the “Odd Couple Syndrome”, co-authored by Max Weisser is a unique study of left/right brain personality styles.  The book reveals a vital link between neat/ sloppy behavior and Split-Brain research.  Most recently he wrote and produced a Musical Comedy which satirized the world of psychotherapy called “Love, Torment and Lollipops”. Dr. Mills maintains a keen interest in the visual arts. His photographic prints are part of the permanent collection of the Bibliotech Nationale in Paris and he is widely known for his work in the field of Faux Finishes and Decorative Painting.  

#6

The Journey of a Relationship Every relationship has its twists and turns. In the beginning, we feel very close to our partner. It seems like we have so much in common. Our life is enhanced just being with each other. The promise of wholeness is at hand. What could go wrong? We have found in researching the ODD COUPLE SYNDROME, that eighty percent of the couples we interviewed were opposites. The truth is that opposites attract. Unconsciously, we admire all the qualities in others that we don’t have. But down the road, these very qualities can be perceived as irritations and the feelings of wholeness is lost. Yes, opposites attract, but this seldom creates harmony. After a time, a sense of distance occurs and it is this distance that becomes the heart of conflict in a relationship. Opposites have always existed in nature. Perhaps, it is the interaction between the opposites that generates the life force. It is only recently that scientific research has uncovered the universal mystery of this phenomenon. The left and right hemispheres of the cerebral cortex within the human brain are an example of this. Although, it appears that we have one brain…in fact we have two. Each one seems to have a mind of it’s own. The left brain is responsible for logical, sequential and time- oriented thinking. The right brain thinks in metaphors, images and feelings. Although both hemispheres communicate with each other and are necessary for normal functioning, everyone is born with a right or left brain dominance. Each partner perceives the world differently and this is the source of much misunderstandings and miscommunication. The Odd Couple Syndrome suggests that the selection of a partner with an opposite brain orientation is an unconscious drive to achieve a wholeness within oneself. The following cartoon clearly illustrate this dilemma.


Most conflicts come from people who have opposite brain styles. It takes  real commitment and understanding to create a harmonious relationship among odd couples. And that is why we have developed a system we call “The Triple A Method (AAA)”™ . 


The Triple A Method

Conflicts can be resolved by a better understanding of our perceptual styles. Two people can view the same situation from a totally different perspective. Each perspective is equally valid, but each person sees their own view as the right one.


However, our AAA system is a win/win system for success.

If each partner applies:


Acceptance – you accept the fact that your partner is different from yourself.

APPRECIATION – you respect those qualities that are different from your

                         own.

ACCOMODATION  -  you modify your reaction/behavior based on a sincere understanding of what your partner needs.



First we see 

only the positive

qualities of our

partner and tend

to idealize them. 


Five years later

these very same

qualities  may

drive us apart.